How Grace Broke My Theology

by Dave Miller

For years, I grew in knowledge. I devoured Scripture, mastered doctrines, and pursued understanding with everything in me. Over time, my learning hollowed out my living. I studied truth to feel secure, not to be transformed. I mistook comprehension for obedience.

15 years ago, the Lord graciously showed me how I had tried to hold authority over His Word. If I didn’t understand a command, I refused to obey it. I told myself I was being spiritually responsible, that I was protecting God’s Word from my ignorance. In truth, I protected my pride.

I called my hesitation wisdom when it was disobedience disguised as caution. Whenever a plain command confronted me, I retreated into more study. My “exegetical struggles” became an intellectual shield for a disobedient heart.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer exposed my delusion long before I recognized it:

“Knowledge cannot be separated from the existence in which it was acquired. Only those who in following Christ leave everything they have can stand and say that they are justified solely by grace. But those who use this grace to excuse themselves from discipleship deceive themselves.”

I was that deceived student. I separated knowledge from obedience and called it maturity. I hid my lack of fruit behind theological complexity. My heart rebelled while my mind lived in the library. I saw grace only as mercy in salvation. But all of grace caught up with me.

The same grace I could define in Greek finally confronted me in practice. Grace did not excuse my disobedience; it exposed it. It showed me that my real struggle wasn’t ignorance; it was unwillingness.

The more I resisted obedience, the more God stripped away the illusion that I could understand my way into holiness. Grace broke me where knowledge had only built me up.

When Grace Became My Teacher

Grace taught me dependence. I learned that obedience is not legalism; it is love expressed through trust.

In Mark’s story of the rich young ruler, Jesus’ answer was not an intellectual puzzle. It was a call to action: “Sell everything you have, give to the poor, and follow Me.” The young man’s sorrow revealed the truth. He didn’t need another lecture; he needed surrender.

That was me. I wanted to discuss God’s Word, not obey it. I wanted understanding without obedience, maturity without movement, and Jesus as my advisor instead of my Lord.

But Jesus still calls: “Follow Me.” He doesn’t ask for perfect comprehension. He asks for obedient trust.

Grace demands that we act even when we don’t fully understand because grace itself empowers obedience. Knowledge made me cautious. Grace made me courageous.

Growing in Grace and Knowledge

Now the Lord teaches me how to unite what I once divided. I must grow not just in grace but in grace and knowledge.

Grace gives me rest. Knowledge gives me clarity. Together, they give me purpose. Grace humbles me into dependence. Knowledge channels that dependence into action.

For years, I feared passion, but I had lots of it. Zeal looked reckless to the “student” in me. The only outlet I could see was competition which I detested among believers. That zeal without knowledge creates chaos, and knowledge without zeal breeds apathy. I couldn’t find the radical middle. Then grace found me paralyzed between the two. Grace teaches the heart to burn while knowledge trains the mind to aim.

I once tried to accomplish things for God. Now I work through God. I have discovered that He accomplishes more through my surrendered obedience than I ever achieved through my striving intellect.

When I tried my hardest, I believed success depended on me. Now I try my hardest because I know success depends on Him. Grace did not quiet my ambition; it sanctified it.

Finding a Home for Holy Ambition

Grace didn’t erase my desire to accomplish; it gave it a home.

God didn’t remove my drive; He redeemed it. My ambition no longer comes from insecurity but from intimacy. I no longer chase achievement to feel valuable. I labor from the truth that I am already loved.

Grace doesn’t shrink desire; it sanctifies it. It takes what was once self-directed and aims it toward eternity.

Paul captured this perfectly in Philippians 3:

“But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.”

The surpassing worth of knowing Christ now overshadows every lesser goal. My striving has found its resting place, not in my results but in “God acting in our lives to bring about and enable us to do what we cannot do on our own,” which Dallas Willard uses as a definition of grace. 

Grace and knowledge no longer compete. Grace empowers me to act, and knowledge directs that action toward the glory of God.

Immeasurably More

When grace and knowledge converge, ambition becomes adoration. I still work hard, but every effort now breathes worship.

Ephesians 3:20 now feels real:

“Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that works within us.”

Grace has taught me that the immeasurable happens not through my striving but through His strength. Knowledge reminds me that the One who calls me stays faithful to finish what He starts.

I labor with passion, not to prove or perform or earn. I labor because grace has made me alive, and knowledge has made me aware that His story is greater than mine.

Therefore

Colossians 1:29 has finally taken root in my heart, the verse I made my email address twenty-six years ago, not realizing it would take this long to understand it:

“For this I toil, struggling with all His energy that He powerfully works within me.”

For decades, I pursued understanding—first in knowledge, then in grace. But now, by His mercy, I have learned what it means to grow in both.

I toil with His energy. I labor with His strength. I live by His grace.

Knowledge once made me proud. Grace made me dependent. Now together they make me fruitful.

The tension between grace and knowledge no longer tears me apart; it holds me together.

Grace roots me in humility. Knowledge lifts me in hope. Grace calls me to surrender. Knowledge calls me to stewardship.

And both declare the same truth:

Christ in me, the hope of glory.