Grace or Pretense? Learning from Judah’s Mistakes

by Dave Miller

In Jeremiah 3:6–11, the Lord delivers a sobering message through the metaphor of two sisters: Israel and Judah. Israel, the older sister, had already walked a path of blatant idolatry. She turned away from the Lord, defiled the land, and ultimately suffered judgment. Judah, the younger sister, watched it all unfold. She saw the devastation, the exile, the consequences.

And yet—she followed in Israel’s footsteps. Worse than her sister’s rebellion, Judah cloaked her disobedience in the language of faithfulness.

God calls it what it is: pretense.

The indictment is clear: “Judah did not return to Me with all her heart, but only in pretense,” declares the Lord. (Jer. 3:10)

What does that mean for us today? It reveals something dangerous but familiar—especially in our modern Christian culture. We’ve often blurred the line between living in grace and living in pretense. We use the word “grace” freely, sometimes carelessly. And in doing so, we often confuse the mercy of God with a license to remain unchanged. But Scripture makes a sharp distinction: Grace transforms. Pretense conceals.

Pretense is the religious habit of saying the right words, doing the right things, and maintaining the appearance of godliness—without a heart surrendered to God. It’s the illusion of repentance. Judah kept the temple, the sacrifices, the outward rituals. But inwardly, she was no different than her sister. The Lord exposed the game: Judah wore obedience like a garment, but the thread was pride.

This is where we must be honest with ourselves. In many American churches, we’ve crafted a view of grace that functions more like permissiveness than power. It excuses disobedience rather than fueling transformation. We live as though grace means God overlooks sin indefinitely, and that as long as we say the right prayers, God is bound to forgive.

But that’s not the grace of God.

Grace, according to Scripture, is God’s divine power given to undeserving people, not just to forgive them—but to form them. It’s the outpouring of His love, His Spirit, and His truth into our lives to re-shape us into the image of Christ. When we live in grace, as Dallas Willard said, we burn it like a 747 burns fuel on takeoff.

It moves us.

It lifts us.

It brings change.

As Bonhoeffer said, it’s not cheap—it’s costly.

We are not talking about perfection. We’re talking about trajectory. Those who live in the grace of God are being shaped by it. They stumble, yes. They sin, yes. But they get back up, drawn by the promise of grace, empowered by the Soirit, and keep walking toward the One who saved them. Grace doesn’t make rebellion safe—it makes transformation possible, probable, and promised. And when God promises, fulfillment is inevitable. 

By contrast, pretense allows us to feel religious while resisting real repentance. It’s calling on God’s mercy while resisting His lordship. It’s wearing the right language while walking in the wrong direction. And when we redefine grace to mean permissiveness, we are not walking in grace at all. We’re pretending.

And God sees through it.

Judah had every reason to return to the Lord. She had the warning of her sister’s destruction. She had the open arms of her Father. But instead of true repentance, she chose pretense.

She went through the motions while keeping her heart far from God. And we are in danger of doing the same if we settle for a shell called “grace” that excuses sin rather than crucifies it.

In our Western culture today, we use the term “virtue signaling” to describe the shell. You know outward actions without inward commitment when you see it. Sometimes you don’t know why it makes you uneasy, but pretense is recognized even by children, though without the language to explain it. So, before we let virtue signaling be what you see in someone else, ask yourself if your life models the same pretense in a righteous mask. It is idolatry, no matter what name it is given. 

God’s grace is not shallow. It is not weak. It is not merely tolerance with a spiritual name tag. It is His power to forgive and to transform. And the evidence that we are living in His grace is not our language, our routine, or our reputation—it’s our direction. Are we becoming more like Christ? Are we letting the grace of God discipline us, shape us, and sanctify us?

If not, it may be time to ask: Am I living in grace, or just pretending to?

The Father’s arms are still open. He’s not looking for performance—He’s longing for return. Not pretense, but transformation. Not outward show, but inward surrender. The difference is everything.

---

A CoVocational Note:

Understanding the difference between grace and pretense, then intentionally choosing grace, will be the difference between a consistent life of joy, contentment, meaning, and impact that carries your soul through every season — or spinning up activity for influence and reputation that teeters on every expectation and opinion careening towards burnout that we try to call life.

Just remember, pretense is no life at all, because Life has a name, Jesus. Grace is the promise for those who follow Him and believe His word. 

The activities of the covo life can dilute and obscure this truth because you are surrounded by so many voices. Even to the point that the over abundance of other voices will start to exert an authority our Lord has not given. The value of a message is not in its abundance, but in its author.