When a Customer’s Upset, Make Sure They’re HEARD

by Dave Miller

A Kingdom-minded approach to conflict and guest recovery

In my line of work, we serve a lot of people. And over time, I’ve learned something simple but weighty: people don’t just want a service or a product—they want to know they matter.

When something goes wrong (and it will), the question isn’t just “how do I fix it?” It’s “how do I respond in a way that honors this person in front of me?”

That’s where the HEARD framework has been helpful for me and our team. It’s a simple way to remember how to respond when someone’s frustrated—and a way to live out Kingdom values when tension is high.

H – Hear

Before you say anything, stop and listen.

Not to defend. Not to explain. Just to hear them out.

Sometimes the most powerful thing we can offer a frustrated guest or customer is our full attention. In a world of quick replies and automated responses, listening is a radical act of love.

“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.” —James 1:19

Listening communicates worth. It says: “You’re not just a problem to solve—you’re a person I care about.”

E – Empathize

Once you’ve heard them, respond with empathy—not cold professionalism.

Let them know you see them.

“That sounds frustrating. I would’ve felt the same way.”

You don’t have to agree with every point, but you can honor their humanity. Jesus met people in their pain long before He fixed their problems. We’re called to do the same.

A – Apologize

This one’s hard sometimes—especially if we didn’t personally cause the issue.

But I’ve come to believe that an honest apology is one of the clearest signs of strength. It’s not weakness to say, “I’m sorry.” It’s Christlike.

“Blessed are the peacemakers.”—Matthew 5:9

“If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” —Romans 12:18

Even when I’m not at fault, I can still own the impact and pursue peace.

R – Resolve

Do what you can to make it right.

Sometimes that means replacing the item, comping the bill, or giving back more than what was taken. Sometimes it means going the extra mile to show love when it’s not expected.

You may not always be able to fix everything—but you can always act in grace. In moments like these, generosity is a gospel witness.

D – Diagnose

Before you move on, ask a diagnostic question:

“Did that help?”

“Did we make things right for you?”

This step matters. It turns the interaction into a dialogue and gives the customer space to respond. You’re not assuming your remedy worked—you’re asking. And that shows humility and care.

If they’re still not satisfied, this gives you a chance to keep the door open. If they are, you’ve helped restore the relationship, not just the situation.

Then…

After the guest walks away, do the second kind of diagnosis:

What led to this situation in the first place?

Was there a breakdown in communication? A system issue? A training gap?

This is about learning and growing. It’s about making sure that you’re not just reacting to problems, but also building a team and a business that reflects the wisdom of God.

“Let the wise listen and add to their learning.” —Proverbs 1:5

Living the Kingdom—Even in Customer Complaints

Here’s the thing: most people don’t expect spiritual moments in a return line, or in a frustrated phone call, or behind a coffee counter. But that might be exactly where the Spirit wants to move.

In fact, if you are oriented to serve the person in front of you, you can get past the offense and emotional reactions that well up inside you. You have the opportunity to recognize anxiety, fear, hurt, struggles, and difficulties completely separate from you and the situation that come flying into the moment. These create gospel opportunities to offer a better way, hope, prayer, and Jesus. I have found some of the worst customers where really just one of the worst times of their life, and I happened to be the Lord’s grace to bear the load and proclaim the King.

In a world of defensiveness and blame, we get to offer something different. We get to be a people who respond with humility, patience, and love. We get to reflect the heart of our King—even in the heat of a customer complaint.

And maybe—just maybe—that moment of grace is what they’ll remember most.

——————

A Follow Up

Sometimes customers aren’t ready for resolutions and can’t get past the sense they have been wronged. Those conversations continually return to the complaint and even with your best effort and authentic attempts, you find yourself caught in a unreasonable loop. A helpful question I have used to move the conversation towards a solution:

Are you looking for an explanation or a resolution?

This helps you understand AND create the scenario where the customer expresses their expectations and you can move toward a reasonable resolution.